More than once I’ve been accused of being judgmental.
Judgment: noun: the forming of an opinion, estimate, notion, or conclusion, as from circumstances presented to the mind.
Yes, I do that. I do that all the time. I will form an opinion about lots of things, including people. And then, if evidence presents itself that this judgment was wrong, I will modify my opinion. People, circumstances, everything in life, is an ever-evolving process. And if you DON’T do that, I feel very sorry for you. Because what you’re saying is “everyone, everything, every situation, is equal in my mind and they all deserve to be treated equally.” Not only does that seem unnecessarily difficult and unfair, but it could even be dangerous. Is there nothing that gives you pause? Do you never feel fear, or at least imminent danger? Why do you think everything deserves equal treatment from you?
But let me be very clear: judging someone I’ve recently met is NOT the same as saying they don’t deserve to exist, or be loved and cared about, to be treated like a human being. It is merely saying that you don’t have a place in MY mind, MY heart, yet. And if as a friend or loved one you feel judged by me, what you’re really saying is “why can’t you accept what I’ve done or said, no matter how foolish, or mean-spirited, or ugly, without questioning it and stop looking at me like that!”
So as a group, let’s maybe use the right words. It’s probably not “judgmental” you mean to call me. Or maybe it really has nothing to do with me at all. Maybe you’re projecting something onto me that you feel deficient about, or that you chose poorly, or your self-esteem took a hit that had nothing to do with me. And if it DID have something to do with me, let’s talk about it. If I did something wrong, I would love the opportunity to fix it. But hurling a word at me then walking away is not helpful.
And if you’re experiencing this in your own life, either as a hurler or hurlee, let’s take a step back, take a breath, and REALLY look at the situation, with honest eyes, heart, and mind, and be willing to accept that you might be wrong.
Very few people have died from being wrong.